If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
