OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
