the condom got lost in my hair
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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