Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
