You made me cry and you don't even care
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
