Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
