I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
