real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
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