Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
