I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I understand Curling. That high.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
