The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
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you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
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I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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