dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
