Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
These Attractive Criminals Got Modeling Contracts After Getting Arrested
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.