guess who came home with a hottie last night
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!