1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.