Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
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she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
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I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.