pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina