uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
