we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
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He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
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All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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