he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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