apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
