he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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