I just threw up on my dentist
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I love you. Go after that dick
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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