The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
