God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
