i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
