I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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