if i can run in heels then i can drive
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
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She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
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