she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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