who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
