This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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