my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
