i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
