Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize