Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
