haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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