I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
