@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
