I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
