She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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