At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
