Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
