as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
