I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
