someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Barsexuality is the new black.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize