He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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