she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
