Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
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Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
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Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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