I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
