I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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