captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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