Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
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