why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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