Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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