I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Come on in and take your pants off
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