i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
