just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
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