Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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