I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
