At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
