I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
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He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
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Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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