In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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