I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
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