Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Only a mothe r could love this liver
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
