they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Randomize
