I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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