I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize