Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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